July 20, 2023
I am the one who can reclaim my inner joy, freedom and voice by learning a new way. I am one whose words do matter.
I am not helpless. I am one who is transferring the bound-up helplessness and hopelessness back to you.
My superpower helps protect me. She takes all my inner burdens, stuffed emotions and overwhelming energies and transfers it back to you where it belongs. She uses everything I gave to her to suffocate and bind you so you know what it feels like to not have a voice or be seen.
You are the one who is now trapped and in another dimension away from me. You are the one now holding all that shit inside you.
I am the one who reclaims my true birth right and can put an end to this brutal self-harm. I am the one whose helpless rage doesn’t need to get turned against myself and rob me of my joy, health, happiness, trust and safety.
I am one who can stay on my side of the fence where life happens and let you own the trauma.
I want you to know you have the strength within you to change this difficult pattern.
My gift to you is a better way. A reminder you can be free of these burdens you carry and release the toxins in order to live the life you are meant to live.
July 12, 2023
I am the one whose self-critic is based on abandonment and helplessness, shame and fear. The pain is so deep and spirals out of control into visions of self-harm.
I am the one who can feel the helplessness of neglect as violent rage toward myself. I am the one who can feel my mind punching and stabbing myself over and over until I’m exhausted, defeated and perpetuating the shame cycle that doesn’t really belong to me—yet it still feels like it does as I learn to unravel this part of me.
I still don’t quite understand this pattern but I’m also seeing it more loudly. Perceived “neglect” and “abandonment” seem to trigger trauma flashbacks and imprints of pre-verbal neglect and abandonment. There’s so much overwhelm that turns to self-hatred as a means of protection.
I want you to show me a more gentle way out than these violent self-harming attacks.
My gift to you is intensely bringing it to the surface so you can see how harmful this is. You need to feel and see it this way in order to work it out of your being.
Ahead waits self-love, compassion, embrace, peaceful head, heart and body.
July 2, 2023
I am the one who feels fragmented. Body in separate pieces, mind running in different directions. I am one who feels everything is disconnected, flat and dark. Underneath I feel anger, confusion and helplessness and don’t even know why. I keep looking outside for something that doesn’t seem to be there. Instead I can feel the part of me that self-harms through sabotage and self hate wanting so badly to rage on myself. I can feel the urge is there like an addict who needs a fix.
I want you to remind me that this is what it is to be human. I can still love all of me rather than turn my helpless rage against myself.
My gift to you is to tell you, you’re OK. Co-existing with turmoil is part of it. Now go have some fun. It’s OK.