August 6, 2023

I am the one who can’t be in the crossfire of rage.

I am the one whose young parts are terrified of your rage even if I try to defend myself as an adult.

I am the one whose body collapses, shakes inside and becomes confused and silenced. I have no agency to make decisions or fight back for more than a short time.

I am the one who retreats and feels bullied. I am the one scared of your energy and your facial expressions. I know it’s not my fault yet I feel blamed and shamed just by your intense anger.

I crawl up and cry tears of terror and overwhelm to release this dysregulation from my system to move on.