My name is Carla. This is me as a baby. It’s the only baby picture I have of myself. It might have been the bright light of the camera—but when I look at it, I see the look of fear and confusion in my eyes, and tension in my mouth. I feel like a deer in headlights, surprised and unsure by what’s looking back at me.
The truth is for much of my life this is exactly how I’ve felt—scared, confused, anxious and dysregulated on the inside yet seemingly calm, together, and successful on the outside. What appeared to be a charmed life to those observing, was nothing like that inside. Instead, I was turning my early environmental failure against myself—full of shame, self-sabotage, self-gaslighting, fear and ongoing health challenges.
I could have chosen to hold it in and go about my life, yet I intuitively knew keeping it all trapped inside would eventually kill me. I had been to therapy in the past, but years ago in a quest to find the “missing link” in my own health challenges I found Somatic Experiencing and IFS (Internal Family Systems) and I started doing the deeper work.
This work takes courage but it’s been the greatest gift I’ve given myself and I highly encourage people who are struggling to try it. Although it can be disorienting and complex, it continues to free all the many parts of me that have been trapped deeply inside.
One day I may write a book about the life circumstances that lead to my C-PTSD as well as more details about my process of healing.
For now I’d like to start by sharing a practice that has changed my life. It’s called SoulCollage®. As an artist, having the ability to express my inner world on paper continues to help me move the trauma and confusion out of my body and SoulCollage® has helped me to do that.
SoulCollage® is an expressive arts practice done individually or in community. Founded by Seena B. Frost, the method develops creativity and intuition, encourages self-discovery, and provides personal guidance. SoulCollage® meets you wherever you are on this journey called life. You don’t have to be an artist to make SoulCollage® cards. Anyone can create and enjoy this powerful practice.
For me this practice has also become another way to support my healing from complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). I use it as a creative and intuitive process to document my inner world in pictures, and many of the cards are created after IFS therapy sessions to help me integrate the information.
SoulCollage® has allowed me to get to know my young playful parts and also dark shadow parts as well as parts deeper in my subconscious. The practice explores deeper discovery through intuitive journaling that lets the card tell you more about it’s meaning with specific questions like, “who are you?” “what do you want from me?” and “what is your gift to me?”. Although the meaning of each card can change over time as life evolves, I’ve also included the original journal entries.
My hope in sharing both the cards and journey entries is that those who are suffering in silence can discover a way to release what lives trapped deeply inside you and know that healing is possible.